Thanksgiving, and leading up to it

Every year I spend Thanksgiving away from home. This isn't completely by choice, although it ultimately comes down to just that. You see, trucking is one of those non-stop businesses. While most companies can shut down for the day, or even for the four-day weekend, freight still has to move; because, when Monday comes around, all those people who were off work for the holiday need something to do.

There is an unspoken rule at my company: pick one. It's either Thanksgiving off or Christmas off. We have a choice. Now, you can try taking both off, but it usually means that you get home late for Christmas. I like to safe-side it and leave out mid-October. Then I stay out until Christmas comes around and I have all the leverage in the world to tell my dispatchers that I want to go home for Christmas. They can't really deny me when I've been such a hard worker for the past, what, ten weeks straight? It kinda sucks, but it's usually worth it.

Most of the time I can guarantee that, on Christmas day or the day after, I get the flu. It comes with a combination of being too stubborn to pay twenty bucks to get a flu shot and the fact that, being alone in my truck for weeks at a time, I'm like an Indian with an armful of Anthrax blankets and a few yellow fever handshakes. I just lose my tolerance for sicknesses.

This year, though, I caught a lucky (sic) break. I got the flu yesterday. It means that I won't have to worry about being sick while I'm home, but, regardless of where you are, having the flu sucks.

I felt it coming on around noon or so, when I went inside for an emergency bathroom break and evacuated sickly-smelling water. Uh oh, that smells like flu shit.

About two hours later, I was at a truck stop in full flu mode. Chills, body aches, nausea and, of course, more diarrhea. My first intuition (which I always tell my wife to go with) was to call my company and get approval to stay in a hotel. I didn't, though. It just seemed like too much work at that point. So I evacuated one more time, bought a couple bottles of 7UP and bundled up under my covers to sleep it off. If I can offer one bit of advice concerning the flu: sleep it off.

I awoke a bit later (I'm not sure how long it was), after dreaming that I had farted. Now, this is not a good situation to be in when one has the flu. So I did a quick check - one finger to the back of the pants, which I call "checking the muzzle heat" - and discovered that I had just shit my pants. So I did the only thing a person can do in this situation. I stood up, dropped my pants and shorts and used paper towels to wipe off my shame. I grabbed a new pair of drawers and a pair of sweat shorts, bagged up my paper towels and soiled clothing, and went back to sleep.

I woke up again after about four total hours of being in bed and ventured inside the truck stop. I went to the bathroom to prevent having to change clothes again, bought some water and another 7UP, and went back outside. I called my lovely wife, who was absolutely thrilled that I had shat myself, and then went back to sleep.

I woke up about thirteen hours later feeling much better; a little weak, but better. I had another scare when I sneezed and blew a very fast and big fart, but another muzzle heat check proved negative.

Thanksgiving day itself has been okay. I drove a bit today, but felt a bit depressed. My wife and kids were cooking up turkey and I wasn't there. My father was doing the same, feeling a bit down because he had nobody to host turkey dinner for. It stinks how, as we get older and move away, that we have to remember the past and how precious it really was.

I know that Christmas will be better. Even though my dad won't be able to see the kids this year, we'll send him photos and videos so that he can get some enjoyment out of it. Maybe, someday, we can all be together for the holidays. All of them. Until then, we just have to be content with our own calamities.