Womanly Ways

I'm married; have been for almost nine years now. I've done pretty well at figuring out my wife and I can honestly say that she rarely wins an argument with me. I have also done my best to help her adjust her views on certain things. She would say that I corrupted her. Whatever; either way, it's probably been for the better.

However, one of our more frequent arguments is over my penchant for the female form; often every female form. I have always said that the female body trumps anything else when it comes to beauty. I have traveled all over the world and seen a good amount of scenery on this great green earth of ours, and I still have found nothing that quite takes my breath away the way a woman does. So when I see something or, rather, someone that catches my eye, I'm prone to take a quick look. I think all men do this; the more testosterone-rich of us do it a bit more.

The only problem is that my wife often will see the girl I'm about to take a look at before I do. She knows what I like and preempts me: she'll stare right at my face and wait for me to look; then it's time for an argument.

She's not really mean about it. I think it has more to do with common female insecurities. Most women are "catty" and don't like other women. They're often competitive and will do ridiculously cruel things to each other over the smallest, stupidest shit.

She'll usually post one question to me: "Why aren't I enough for you?" Now, I have answered this question many times. In fact, I've probably spent time that can be measured in days answering this question. Yet she still asks it every time.

Now, it's not that she's not enough. I love her and I'm very sexually attracted to her. She's a good egg and has done everything I've ever asked of her sexually. Sometimes she has to be eased into it, but she's a goer, for sure. I've been faithful, never even considering cheating on her. I've done my part and she's done hers.

However, it's been said, "Show me the hottest woman in the world, and I'll show you a guy who's tired of fucking her."

And it's true. If you look at it from a moral or societal standard, men really are scumbags. You say your vows and agree to this and that, and then you take a peek at every piece of trim that walks by -- usually on the way to the airport for your honeymoon.

Why do we (I) do it? It's a pretty simple explanation, but not one based in emotion, which is why women can't understand it.

You see, throughout the animal kingdom, males roam around and look for tail. A male lion has a harem of females who do his bidding. A younger lion must move in on his turf, battle it out with the king, and hope to win and take over: bang, instant variety of pussy. Now, men are a bit the same way. Men fight over women, get beaten up over women. It's stupid if you look at it from an intellectual standpoint, but men will risk life, limb and reputation for that sweet, sweet woman. But, we cannot be satisfied with just one.

Monogamy is essentially a commitment to battle millions of years of evolution. We have created for ourselves a society in which it is wrong for men to act upon nature's most intrinsic ideal: procreate. Life must be followed by life. There must be someone else to take over or, well, something will happen.

As a monogamous man, I have decided to put aside nature's desires, at least on a grand scale. I do have four kids, so I guess I haven't failed Mother Nature entirely. I'm happy enough and love my wife and kids; I just, sometimes, have to take a peek.